Child Sex Abuse: Men Break Their Silence

Each of the men on the dais was successful in his field. There was a Broadway actor from the hit musical “Hamilton,” a popular TV personality and a District Attorney. All came to talk about being sexually abused as a child and how it had impacted their life. Each story was unforgettable because males often keep sex abuse secret, sometimes for their entire life.

The symposium was sponsored by the New York State Office of Victim Services. The keynote speaker had also been a victim. 

Columnist Charles Blow Once Plotted to Kill His Abuser-Cousin – Promotional Photo

“Hello, my name is Charles Blow and I am a survivor of child sexual abuse,” he said. Blow, a columnist for the New York Times, told the crowd about his abuse at age seven by an older cousin. “It was a complete betrayal,” Blow said. “I was paralyzed by fear. After the abuse I thought I was dead.” As a boy he kept the secret.

In his memoir, “A Fire Shut Up in My Bones” Blow relates how the pain and anger exploded in him at the age of 20. While at college he was talking to his mother on the phone one day and suddenly Charles heard the voice of his abuser greeting him as if nothing had ever happened. Without stopping to put on shoes Charles jumped in his car, grabbed a gun he kept there “just in case” and began to drive toward his mother’s home determined to kill Chester. Thankfully, Blow did not follow through.

The actor Antuan Raimone described abuse at the hands of two older cousins when he was seven. With no father in the house, Ramone said, he was eager to spend time with males. The cousins told him it was “a game” that all boys play. Then, at the age of 15, the super at their rented house began to groom him with a constant supply of pornography. Full blown sexual contact followed. Antuan kept the secret.

“I didn’t say anything because he threatened to kill my mom,” Ramone said. But after years of unsatisfying relationships where he saw lovers as “mere objects” he decided to enter counselling. Today, Antuan counsels other survivors brave enough to come forward.

Jason Gough, 47, revealed his childhood abuse via WNYT-TV in Albany, New York where he was the popular weatherman. His parents’ marriage was “a dumpster fire,” and it was his father’s sister, “My mother’s drinking buddy,” who began to molest him at age eight. Yes, women can be sexual predators of children too.

“I was low hanging fruit for her,” Gough told the conference attendees, and the abuse lasted three years. He began to display a series of odd behaviors, like pulling out all his eyelashes and spontaneous temper tantrums. No one, not his parents, teachers or counsellors ever asked him what was wrong. Today Gough seeks to educate adults about childhood warning signs that could signal they’ve been abused.

DA Fazzary Was Molested by His Teenage Neighbor – for 8 years

Perhaps the most interesting panelist of the day was Joe Fazzary, the District Attorney from Schuyler County, New York. Imagine this: for years he looked child sex victims in the eye and soothingly told them it was okay to tell what had happened. Yet all the while Fazzary was keeping his own dark childhood secrets.

Joe was raised in a loving Italian family that befriended another Italian family next door. They often ate meals together and afterword the adults played cards and drank a little wine.

“I was about nine or ten,” Joe said. “The neighbor boy was about 15. He said it was a game.” Mimicking the adults downstairs the boys played cards, strip poker. From there the abuse began. “It can happen right under parents’ noses,” Fazzary warned the room. “My parents were, like, 15 feet away!” The abuse lasted 8 years and at times in his adult life, Joe said, he contemplated suicide. It wasn’t until he told his wife and mother and sought counselling at the age of 36 that he finally felt in control of his own life.

The takeaway? A young boy’s abuser is not always an older man, it is often another boy or even a woman. And to those who dismiss teacher-on-child abuse with a glib, “What a lucky kid!” Stop it. Stop thinking sex with a child can ever be a good thing. It isn’t. It is a crime. It can be like a slow growing cancer on the soul, stunting a child’s social growth, forcing them into negative behaviors that haunt them for life.

If you know a child who is strong enough to tell the secret what should you do? All the survivors at the symposium agreed the last thing the child needs to hear is, “I’m going to kill that guy!” That threat only adds another layer of guilt upon the already suffering child. What they long to hear from adults are calm and sincere statements like, “I believe you,” “It is not your fault,” and “What do you need?”

If you are an adult still struggling with childhood abuse the best advise came from D.A. Fazzary. “Go into therapy. It works. It really works.”



  1. Diane Dimond on April 30, 2018 at 3:11 pm

    Twitter Pal T Ross@TTodd070603 writes:

    It took me many years of help to come to terms with my own experiences. Lots of therapy, and guidance from those with the tools to help me navigate through. Only then was I able to talk about it, and begin helping others.

  2. Diane Dimond on April 30, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    Reader Jim Cochrun writes:

    I, too, am a male CSA survivor – and my abuser is now suing me for $750K to keep me quiet. We’re fighting and are confident we’ll win, but are trying to get the story out as broadly as we can – we believe there are other victims and we want to hear about this and have the confidence and courage to come forward (it’s already working). Would you consider doing a piece about my story? (Not as a victim – as a Marine who improvised, adapted and overcame a lifetime of darkness to recover and commit my life to serving other Veterans and families). Here’s the link to one of the stories:

    Here’s the link to the nonprofit I started in 2017:

  3. Diane Dimond on April 30, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    ABQ Journal Reader Kevin McKeown writes:

    Years after he graduated from high school, my sister told me that my brother was molested by Mr. H, a guidance councilor who was fired for sex abuse of students (ala, Catholic priests scandal.)
    My brother committed suicide by shooting himself in the head with a .357 magnum handgun.
    My roommate in college came out of the closet, so to speak, telling me that his 10th grade science teacher introduced him to the homosexual lifestyle by way of “personal,” after school “tutoring” sessions. Pete ultimately committed suicide, after being outed, and then fired from a high profile, professional job. This was during the intolerant 1980’s. I never found out how, but word has it that it was by a lethal pill overdose. The coroner/OME called it suicide.
    My father hated homosexuals with a pathological passion, always telling us that “homos” should be exterminated. Later, relatives rumored dad was molested as a child. Dad made some personal statements about molestation that I cannot repeat, but strongly suggests he had to have experienced them personally. How would he know such details?
    Conclusion. What you write about is the TIP of the iceberg.
    Kevin McKeown

  4. Diane Dimond on May 15, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    Facebook Friend Karleen Seymour writes:

    I’m glad someone finally had the courage to speak out about this.

  5. Diane Dimond on May 15, 2018 at 4:22 pm

    Facebook Friend Adrienne Gen writes:

    You gentlemen are brave for discussing such matters with others, THANK YOU for sharing and being honest. ❤ Your truth will help others!

Leave a Comment